MENLO PARK, Calif. — Instagram’s PR team apologized recently after a glitch temporarily restored the app to something resembling what it used to be when a user’s posts were consistently viewed by their followers, according to doomscrolling sources.
“We want to apologize to everyone who was impacted by seeing their friends on our platform,” said Meta spokesperson Eileen Fudge. “The problem was related to a bug in an update, which accidentally rolled our algorithm back to a version from about five years ago. As a result, there was a brief period of time when users were seeing increased engagement with friends and followers. Some reported experiencing a significant reduction in ads and an influx of likes, which may have been confusing or even alarming to regular Instagram users. Rest assured, the problem has now been resolved.”
Instagram user Shelley Bonelli was thrilled to see the app behaving as it once did.
“The ‘gram used to be a great platform for posting my artwork and keeping in touch with my friends,” said Bonelli while desperately refreshing her notifications. “But at some point, all the likes and comments just dried up. It was like no one was seeing my posts, and I was only seeing suggested posts from terrible open mic comedians. So when this ‘error’ occurred, I was really excited. Suddenly, my followers were liking my posts and I was getting all kinds of nice comments on my art. I even sold a couple of pieces in that brief window. But then they ‘fixed’ it, and everything went back to being shit again, making me question why I bother using this fucking garbage app at all anymore.”
UX designer Brandon Bryce says the lack of engagement on Meta’s apps is a feature, not a bug.
“The way Instagram essentially shadowbans the majority of users is intentional,” said Bryce. “Their algorithm is carefully tuned to maximize the time users spend scrolling. Their analysts determined that frustrating the user results in more time spent on the app—and more time viewing ads—than if users are satisfied. Remember in ‘The Matrix’ when The Architect tells Neo that the first virtual world the robots created was a utopia, but the people rejected it? It works sort of like that. The data doesn’t lie: People hate getting what they want.”
At press time, Meta apologized for another recent gaff that resulted in a dramatic decrease in the far-right propaganda which ordinarily fills up Facebook users’ feeds.