GAZA CITY — Yosef Peretz, an IDF soldier stationed in watch towers at a Gaza Humanitarian Foundation aid station, is fearing for his life after seeing Palestinian babies getting scraps of food that might sustain them for the next few hours, sources confirmed.
“I’ve been having trouble sleeping at night ever since the food started arriving in Gaza. Just yesterday I saw a four-year-old girl smile while eating handfuls of raw rice, I took that as a direct attack on me and on Israel because I know Hamas is somewhere in that girl’s stomach cooking that rice and making it into a bomb that they will drop on an innocent Israeli baby,” said Peretz. “And just this morning, I saw a newborn baby eating some sort of paste. Now that baby might have enough energy to storm the guard towers and I’ll be forced to engage in hand-to-hand combat. I know that baby has been radicalized by Hamas, and it could take me hostage.”
Jillian Gomez, an aid worker with UNRWA, says the IDF’s fears are overblown.
“I’m not exactly sure what the Israeli soldiers are afraid of. I’m surrounded by desperate people who are so weak from hunger that they can barely open any aid packages, and the IDF claims that these are all Hamas super soldiers disguised as malnourished women and children,” said Gomez. “The Israeli soldiers are some of the most cowardly people I’ve ever encountered. They hide in their guard stations, armed with high-caliber weapons, and will randomly fire into crowds of people for no reason. The world needs to wake up.”
Pennsylvania Congressman John Fetterman defended Israel’s actions.
“Look, Israel has the right to defend itself. I hear a lot of people saying Israel is committing war crimes, and that’s simply not the case. Israel is simply strengthening their border by starving the people in Gaza and denying them medical treatment,” said Fetterman while in line at a local bank cashing a check from AIPAC. “I’ve talked to a lot of people on the front lines of the war and these soldiers tell me that the Palestinians have called them a lot of nasty names, some of them have even thrown rocks. Are the soldiers not supposed to beat and torture these people after they do that?”
At press time, a top Israeli official confirmed that all the starving children of Gaza that have been terrorizing IDF soldiers were in fact generated by AI.