MACON, Ga. — Local doormat Howard Logue showcased his clear lack of self-confidence by singing only the background vocals of a recent karaoke performance, sources hanging their heads in disbelief confirmed.
“Well, I know it might be a bit confusing to anyone watching, but I’ve just always felt a lot more comfortable hanging in the wings. So, when punk rock karaoke night started up at my neighborhood bar, I went straight to the Bad Religion tracks, and let loose every few minutes along with the ‘oozin ahhs,’ y’know?” whimpered Logue, while he stood a healthy distance away. “Don’t people just come there to get wasted anyway? Why should anyone care that I can only belt the background stuff? In fact, why should anyone care about me at all, in any capacity? I, as I established earlier, suck.”
Regular barflys were baffled as to why such a wimp would take the stage at all.
“It just seemed like so much effort for so little payoff. You stand around until your name is called and then you bark a few scant ‘heys’ or ‘la la las’ in front of a load of people who are just scratching their heads. Seems like you could do that from your seat without causing the uproar it did,” said karaoke jockey Fran ‘Flakey’ Florentino. “Pretty soon we’re gonna have freaks going up there to just mime to the ride cymbal part, or just the spoken-word breakdowns or some shit. Lord help me. I’m surrounded by Andy Kaufman wannabes, over here! What a nightmare!”
Professional psychoanalyst Dr. Faye Pernick theorizes that Logue’s affliction is more widespread than initially thought.
“Many of those lacking in self-esteem or overall confidence, when given the chance, will still seek out the limelight, but just at a safe distance where they can scurry away into the shadows at the first sign of embarrassment,” said Dr. Pernick, who specializes in the treatment of “wusses and pushovers.” “This can manifest itself in activities such as driving from literally the backseat, with your hands reaching over the driver’s seat or, in this case, singing along to only the background vocals, because you believe, in your heart of hearts, that you don’t deserve the lead part. It’s a wild time to be a weakling.”
At press time, the audience revealed an even meeker man with even deeper self-esteem issues who was too bashful to “boo” Logue.