DALLAS — Former punk and current mom on a budget Lana Spiller is putting the skills she harnessed in her past life to good use by effectively repurposing her safety pin collection for chores around the home.
“I’ve been saving all of the safety pins that we’re rust damaged or covered in bong resin for years, and now that I have three kids whose clothes are constantly getting torn in ways I can’t even imagine, my tendencies have finally paid off,” Spiller explained, who has gone on to upload safety pin hack videos including ‘Fasten your Seatbelts! – Easy Fixes for Car Wear and Tear’ and ‘Tampon, Tampoff? How to Stop that Pesky String from Falling Off’. “For years I didn’t even know that safety pins had a functional purpose, not until my wedding day when one of my spiked bracelets tore the hem of my dress. Suddenly I had a brainwave, took a safety pin out of my ear, and used it to fasten the dress back together. From then on, I started seeing uses for safety pins in everyday situations. They really should think about marketing these things differently, because I bet a whole lot more people would get use out of them.”
Old friends from Spiller’s punk days have mixed feelings about her lifestyle change.
“Being punk is all about finding ways to do things as cheaply as possible, so it makes sense to me that Spiller would be good with money management,” Eliza Nelson, who went to high school with Spiller. “I mean, we’re talking about the same woman who didn’t wash the Sharpie X off her hand for three weeks to get into four shows for the price of one, and successfully stole various non-perishable canned goods from those same shows. Just because she’s using safety pins to hang her curtains instead of decorating a sick jacket doesn’t mean she has lost all of her punk ways.”
Youngest daughter Kaialynn Spiller is eager to show off her mother’s latest fix.
“Kyyle ripped off Mr. Snuggles’ head when he was practicing wrestling, but Mommy made him better again with her magic pins,” explains Kaialynn before running outside to show her friends her Frankenstein-esque previously headless toy. “Sometimes when I fall on the toys my hands get an ouchie, but mama has an old backpack full of bandanas and makes it all better.”
At press time, Spiller was taping together dozens of old show flyers in an attempt to make a room divider.
Photo by Jana Miller.