CHICAGO — Local musician and self-proclaimed Antifa member Shaun Straut is proudly sporting a “This Machine Kills Fascists” sticker on his bassoon, which sources admit is “probably overdoing it a bit.”
“I’m no hero,” said an unprompted Straut. “I just see myself standing on the frontline of this war we’re all fighting, with my bassoon grasped firmly in one hand and love in the other. That’s how I’m defeating fascism: with the unifying melodies of my bassoon, and love radiating from my heart. Now that I think about it, I guess that does make me a bit of a hero.”
Reports indicate Shaun recently attended an anti-ICE rally, where he performed an impromptu rendition of Anti-Flag’s “You’ve Gotta Die for the Government.” However, the lyric-less, woodwind version of the punk anthem was met with resounding confusion.
“Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the sentiment,” said Lee Harding, a community organizer and acquaintance of Straut. “This administration has me, and so many other marginalized people, terrified. It’s just… I’m not sure Shaun even really knows what fascism is. The last time I heard him use that word was to describe anti-vaping laws. The time before that, he was talking about his flask getting confiscated at a Cubs game. Also — and this should probably go without saying — it’s a fucking bassoon.”
According to music historian Jada Williams, Straut is far from a unique case.
“Ever since Woody Guthrie painted those damn words on his guitar, every band nerd has thought they’ll be the one to kill fascism with their shitty instrument,” said Williams. “If that were the case, fascism probably would’ve died sometime before Dylan went electric. Instead, it’s continued to gain traction, despite what the Carhartt-wearing ukulele players out there would have you believe.”
At press time, Straut was seen shouting bastardized lyrics from “We Shall Overcome” at the bouncers throwing him out of a bar at 4:00 AM.