Flaming Lips “Embryonic”
The only thing more annoying than a stoner talking about the Flaming Lips is a stoner talking about the band’s nearly unlistenable 2009 album ‘Embryonic.’ Unfortunately, Dan is the latter. By the time ‘Virgo Self-Esteem Broadcast’ came on, we couldn’t even remember why we wanted bud in the first place. Jesus, is this what we sound like?
Bob Marley and the Wailers “Exodus”
Dan has been going through a bit of a phase having recently discovered that Bob Marley was a radical political musician and not just the spokesman for that tea he drinks. This guy actually asked us if we had heard ‘Three Little Birds’ before. Noting his Eric Clapton poster on the wall, we decided not to open up a further rabbit hole by explaining that Marley actually wrote ‘I Shot The Sheriff.’
Os Mutantes “Self-Titled”
Dan has never learned a second language but he claimed he’s been passable in Brazilian Portuguese thanks to psych legends Os Mutantes. This one took a bit longer to listen to as Dan repeatedly paused the songs to allow Google to translate the late Rita Lee’s lyrics into English. We probably should have told him he could just get DuoLingo but who knows how much time that would have added to the trip.
Pink Floyd “Dark Side of the Moon”
This weird guy Gerald always hangs out at Dan’s apartment and apparently took issue with his praise of Syd Barrett earlier in the evening. According to him, Roger Waters was actually the genius, and Syd left because he was intimidated by his massive talent and alien-like figure. Dan wasn’t having it. No way. In order to prove that Roger Waters is a hack, he made us listen to ‘Dark Side of the Moon’ in its entirety. He was just about to grab his scale when ‘Great Gig In The Sky’ came on and caused both him and Gerald to start weeping and apologizing to each other for ‘harshing each other’s vibes.’
Led Zeppelin “Led Zeppelin IV” (but entirely in reverse)
It’s long been rumored that Led Zeppelin’s ‘Stairway to Heaven’ contains satanic messages when played in reverse. (It doesn’t). But what if there are more? (There aren’t). Has anyone tried to play the entire record backwards? (Like, a million times). These were the important questions Dan had when we visited and he wasn’t about to let us leave without learning the answers. ‘Kashmir’ still rips, though.
Electric Wizard “Dopethrone”
According to Dan, this album’s title was inspired by a story the band’s lead singer and guitarist, Jus Oborn, heard about a couch made entirely out of cannabis. Over the course of the record’s 71-minute runtime, Dan and his friend Gerald took detailed measurements of the disgusting old sofa in the living room. They figured they could get the job done with no less than 30 ounces, but Dan was unsure if he could take the financial hit as sales have been slower recently. When we suggested we could help out by maybe making a purchase, he shushed us saying he just needed to ‘focus for a second.’
Marnie Stern “This Is It and I Am It and You Are It and So Is That and He Is It and She Is It and It Is It and That Is That”
This is the sort of album Dan said will make you wonder what ‘It’ even is. We still don’t know what that means, or what we even listened to. We’re pretty sure ‘It’ isn’t coherent music, though. Also, what kind of stoner listens to math rock in earnest? Dan can’t even count our change correctly half the time, so how the fuck does this album not break his entire brain in half? Credit where credit is due, though, Marnie Stern fucking shreds and is the greatest thing to happen to Late Night television in the form of Seth Meyer’s house band. A fact we now know because we were there long enough to watch that show at Dan’s house.
Menomena “I Am The Fun Blame Monster”
This album’s title is an anagram for ‘The First Menomena Album.’ Its heady and chill loop vibes are sure to please anybody taking puffs of the good stuff, which would be amazing if we fucking had any at this point. Toward the middle of this album, someone knocked on Dan’s door, prompting him to pick up a brown sack and deliver it to the anonymous visitor. Apparently Dan has set up some sort of curbside pickup system for those still afraid of contracting COVID-19. When we inquired about this, he looked offended and said he thought we were ‘having a good time’ before getting distracted by a guitar solo in the record’s seventh track.
Cypress Hill “Black Sunday”
We actually suggested this one. We were hoping that the single ‘I Wanna Get High’ would remind Dan that we weren’t really there to hang out. Any respectful man of business like him should honor a notion like that. Unfortunately, Dan took this as an opportunity to explain to us the unusual structure of the song. You see, most hip-hop songs follow a 16-bar verse/8 bar chorus arrangement, whereas ‘I Wanna Get High’ features two 14-bar verses. We didn’t believe him until he slowed the track down to half-speed and counted out each measure for us.
Grateful Dead “American Beauty”
We honestly thought this one would have come up sooner considering all of the band’s memorabilia that covers nearly every square inch of Dan’s apartment, but better late than never, and preferably better never than late. At least he didn’t put on one of the many live bootlegs he has. Last time we were over he spent three hours talking about how you can tell which era the set is from based on how damaged Jerry Garcia’s voice sounds. No thank you. By the time ‘Truckin’’ came on, Dan finally let out a small yawn, stretched and slowly asked ‘what do you guys want?’ After nearly 24 hours of mind-numbing classic rock and psych freakouts, we finally were able to get our goods and leave the godforsaken place known as Dan’s apartment. ‘What a long strange trip’ it was, indeed.
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