LOS ANGELES — In light of recently resurfaced sexual misconduct accusations against Jared Leto involving underage girls, the band 30 Seconds to Mars has announced it will be renaming itself 18 Years to Consent in the hopes of curbing its singer’s disgusting behavior, music insiders report.
“Look, we all get a little forgetful sometimes,” said frequent 30 Seconds to Mars collaborator Tomo Miličević when reached for comment. “Sometimes you need to tie a string on your finger to remember to pick your kid up after work; sometimes you need an alarm on your phone to remember it’s garbage day, and yes, sometimes you need to rename your entire vanity project band to remind yourself not to make sexual advances toward women too young to give actual consent. It’s just a sad consequence of our distracting technological world!”
So far, the name change seems to have achieved its desired goal.
“It seems silly, but honestly, I’ve hardly made any advances on teenagers since we’ve made the change!” said Jared Leto in a recent Rolling Stone interview. “Last week I was halfway to my car with a girl I met at an all-ages show and all of a sudden I was like ‘Wait, what’s the name of my band again?’ It’s been so effective that I’m thinking of starting a side project called ‘Don’t Do Sex Cults or Morbius Movies.’”
Reaction from music fans has been less positive.
“Who gives a fuck what that asshole calls his band? Stop giving him work!” said one popular music blogger on TikTok. “These accusations have been out there for years; the guy is a known creep. Stop booking any band he is a part of, stop casting him in movies, stop giving him any oxygen whatsoever outside of calling his ass out! If that overrated egomaniacal wannabe-rock star fuck wants to keep doing his thing, he can go defect to Russia with Steven Seagal!”
Despite the controversies, Leto is currently in talks to play Snarf in an upcoming Thundercats movie.
