We’ve all been there. Because of your incredibly toxic, controlling behavior and inability to collaborate with anyone who shows a modicum of independent thought, you’ve alienated all your creative partners, blind fools of bandmates, and so-called friends. You’ve come to the moment all true creative geniuses do. You need to rent an isolated cabin in the middle of winter where you can record a heartbreaking, lo-fi album about how everyone sucks but you.
Fortunately, we are here to help you logistically figure out how to rent the perfect place to record your magnum opus about all the haters that have held you back this whole time.
Scout the Area
First, make sure the cabin is isolated and snowy. Remember, this will be the emotionally intense, definitely-unplanned cover image of your solo album, so remove any visible hints of belonging to the 21st century like electric lights, a satellite dish, or your Ford F150.
Find the Most Antiquated Equipment Possible, Because Art
Before you trek up to your backwoods womb of isolation in which you will bare all your thoughts and feelings to a generation, make sure you get some super old-ass recording equipment. It will probably sound like shit, but this is for art.
Procure Lots of Whiskey
So much Jim Beam. You’re going to need to get really tanked up there because what else will there be to do?
Have Your Parents Pay the Rent
This is the single most important thing for any true artist like you. Since you kicked everyone out of your band, your life, and your financial prospects, you’re going to need to be subsidized. Get on the phone and tell them they need to put a first, last, and three-month payment on the cabin, otherwise, they have ruined your fucking life forever. Plus, they need to have Amazon deliver some groceries up there.