Uh-oh DIY gang, it looks like we have a sellout on our hands!
Pat Jenkins, former guitarist of the now-defunct legendary hardcore group Risk Damage, was just spotted leaving a Barnes & Nobel in Geneva, Illinois. The once hardcore legend turned thirty-five-year-old dumb loser sellout was spotted walking over to his 2019 Mercedes while holding a gift meant for his “child.”
“My wife and I are very proud of our daughter for being an avid reader at such a young age,” said Jenkins, the stupid fucking idiot. “We decided to use the money left over from the new house and car to begin saving up for her education.” Ugh. Who talks like that?!
A new car, house, and a loving family? Nerd alert! This guy was once tearing it up in the pit harder than a grizzly bear on smack. Now he spends his days feeling happy and fulfilled? Gross!
“I was only in Risk Damage for like six months,” explained Jenkins, “I left after landing an internship with a major consulting firm. Eventually, I worked my way up to a six-figure income. I met my wife after traveling abroad with friends.”
Unreal. This man traded a perfect hardcore lifestyle away and all he got in return was a family, nice car, a stable income, a brand new house, and some close friends. We can’t even begin to fathom the mental toll a decision like that could have taken.
“I am very happy and healthy,” said Jenkins.
If you read very closely, you can almost see the exact moment that Jenkins leaves a nice hot steamer on our entire DIY lifestyle. Never have I been more offended, and that’s coming from someone who’s seen Weezer twice.
How Jenkins is able to live a life devoid of playing shows to eight people in someone’s basement at 4 am on a Tuesday just to make rent is beyond me. You never can truly understand a sellout, can you? Sure he might enjoy his fancy house, high self-worth, and money, but he will never truly know the beauty of being stabbed by the opener’s bassist for touching their vape pen.
If the life you live doesn’t involve at least a mild case of tetanus, is it really worth living? As the lead singer of Risk Damage I can say with absolute certainty, no it is not.