It’s no secret that popular music has become completely pussified. I recently asked my teenage nephew what bands he likes, and he brought up some teeny boppers called “Mr. Beats” and “Hack Too.” Pretty pathetic considering that not too long ago, if you turned on your radio you were putting yourself at risk of getting your shit rocked by the hardest band to ever break into the Top 40—3 Doors Down.
Bands like 3 Doors Down brought an edge to the culture that the squares quickly realized they just couldn’t handle. Before they showed up, it was all songs about partying, breakups, and hitting babies. They changed it up by being the first band to sing about being an outwardly strong but internally tortured man who deserves the unwavering support of a woman, no matter how emotionally distant he is. Can you name any other band that wrote a song in the early 2000s about how goddamn hard it is to be Superman?
I think most people don‘t realize that there isn’t anything that sounds like 3 Doors Down. I recently went on a date where after spending 20 minutes explaining how 3DD ripped onto the scene in early aughts, she asked if I also liked Matchbox Twenty. Why would I listen to an “adult contemporary” band? Does “You love me, but you don’t know who I am” sound like a lyric a fucking adult contemporary band would write?
This is not to say I’m a heartless monster. I appreciate a love song, but it had better hit me harder than my ex-wife’s personal trainer after I caught him in bed with her. For example, when another girl I was going out with for about 3 weeks went to Europe, I thought I’d do something nice. I sent her a video of me singing “Here Without You”, and she responded by saying she was staying in Dijon for 3 months. I think she broke it off because she couldn’t handle how fucking dark my music taste is.
From the inauguration of President Donald Trump, to the “Walmart Sounds of the Summer” Stage at the Pomona County Fair, 3 Doors Down is constantly breaking the conventions of popular music with their raw alpha mindset. If America wasn’t run by pussies, I wouldn’t be the only person actively listening to them and not just hearing “When I’m Gone” when it plays on a PA in a 24-hour pharmacy.