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How To Talk to Your Kids About Dave Matthews Band

It almost happened two years ago, when your daughter asked about a fire-dancer sticker on a Prius, but you diverted her attention by pulling into a Dunkin’. Now your son’s come home asking, “Dad, what’s ‘Tripping Billies’?” and you realize you can’t put on this charade forever. It’s time to face the atrocity that so many, nationally and internationally, don’t want to remember.

1. Set some ground rules with your spouse and other adults in their life

Agree on what you’re willing to share—and not share. Dave Matthews jammed, yes, and yes, to some extent, he still does. Nobody can dispute this. But it’s up to you how much they’re allowed to know.

2. Take a deep breath. This won’t be easy

Once your children learn about Dave Matthews and his far-reaching impact, there’s no going back. Your children will forever hold it against you that you brought them into a world where such things are allowed to exist.

3. Ease them in by discussing the acoustic shows with Tim Reynolds

Not quite palatable but definitely easier on the soul than taking them directly to the laser-filled stadium spectacles with John Popper guesting and Dave stomping and splaying his feet to “Ants Marching.”

4. Don’t bring up Red Rocks ’95

That was the big one. America sold nine thousand bajas that day—and that’s not even an official count. Don’t show them the photos of the wealthy, drugged, unshowered masses dancing as if by force. And burn that Polaroid of you and their mom in matching sun dresses. Our nation will never forgive or forget these images.

5. Do not say “Of course you were conceived to ‘Lie in Our Graves.’ But everyone was doing it back then”

Were they? Or is this a chapter of your life you will never live down? Bro. Leave it unsaid.

6. Reveal that Uncle Don is still a fan

Yeah. Their uncle Don. Better to tell them now, while Don’s living, than to have them stumble upon the memorabilia when they move him out of his condo.