So you’ve found yourself at a Desolated show, and you want to be certain that nobody other than you gets to enjoy the performance. What’s…
NEWARK, N.J. — Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) Agent Gary Morton decided to change his morally reprehensible ways and lead an upstanding life after a…
BAY CITY, Mich. — President of R&L Composites Inc. Stan Bratonski had just about enough of nu-metal bands breaking into his factory after hours to…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump decided on a whim to pardon former Subway spokesperson and confessed serial child molester Jared Fogle, sadly unsurprised sources report.…
NEW YORK — A recent corporate restructuring initiative in adherence to a new five-year strategic plan led to mass layoffs at C+C Music Factory, disgruntled…
We all know dating sucks, but one of the Internet’s few redeeming qualities is its ability to match you with someone you have a better…
LONDON — Legendary British metal band Iron Maiden found themselves writing a song about the British Credit Crisis of 1772 after discovering they had already…
WATERVILLE, Maine — Local music venue Reggie’s reportedly collapsed after a wall of death during an Avulsed concert turned out to be load-bearing, sources report.…
Alice in Chains has consistently been one of my favorite bands ever since I was growing up in the 90s. The metal-infused riffage of Jerry…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump signed an executive order demanding Kid Vid be the sole member of the Burger King Kids Club, befuddled sources report.…
If you’re around millennial age, chances are pretty high that you got home from school every day to find your mother watching the newest episode…
CANTON, Mass. — Observers of the cover art of Dio’s 1983 debut masterpiece “Holy Diver” collectively agreed that the priest depicted being whipped by a…
Employers need to be consistently sure that they’re checking every box to ensure the field’s best professionals are not only drawn to their businesses, but…
SAN FRANCISCO — Legendary thrash metal band Metallica announced that Kirk Hammett is to be the new lead guitarist after he successfully completed his 42-year…
WASHINGTON — 19-year-old Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) agent Braden Wakefield found himself running short on reasons for why he can’t hang out with his…