Manowar Albums Ranked by the Hotness of the Sweaty Beefcakes on the Cover
Manowar is to metal, what KISS is to rock and roll: Iconic imagery. Rabid fanbase. Debatable music (at best). But…
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Reuben Blanchard
41 stories found
Male Supreme Court Justices Finally Learn Details About Abortion Pill They’ve Paid for Countless Times
WASHINGTON — The Supreme Court heard arguments for and against a ban on the abortion pill, Tuesday, with the male…
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You Can Take My Gun From My Cold Dead Hands as Soon as I Can Remember Where I Left It
I love this country. I bleed red, white and blue. I believe in the ideals laid out by the forefathers…
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We Got in an Argument About What “Metal” Is and Said Some Really Hurtful Stuff We Can’t Take Back So Here are 25 “Metal and Metal Adjacent” Albums That Turn 25 This Year
We are all getting old, and so is metal! But what is metal? That’s a great question we’re not gonna…
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Centrist Doesn’t Care Who Wins Election as Long as They All Have Fun
BURLINGTON, Vt. — Local centrist Harris Miller revealed that he doesn’t care who wins the 2024 presidential election as long…
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Vocalist With Trust Fund Opens Show With “What the Fuck Is up, Williams-Sonoma?!”
CALABASAS, Calif. — Shoppers at The Commons were treated to the stylings of local hardcore band xMOSTxSINCERESTx, who opened their…
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Old Man Who Doesn’t Like Rap Song Somehow on Right Side of History
LOS ANGELES — Legendary metal musician, and noted septuagenarian, Ozzy Osbourne broke new ground when he became the first old…
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Man at Bar Whose Pickup Line Actually Worked Has Literally No Idea What Happens Next
SIMSBURY, Conn. — Local NFT enthusiast Harris Woods was dumbstruck at a Chili’s on Saturday night when after years of…
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Somebody Stop Me!!! 10 Movie Catchphrases You Can Use as a Genuine Cry for Help
With so many people openly talking about their struggles with mental health, it can be hard to stand out from…
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The Next Celebrity Chef? I Made a Pretty Good Soup and I’m Verbally Abusive to My Coworkers
I’m not what you’d think of when you think of a celebrity chef. I’m a white guy who grew up…
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