OAKLAND, Calif. — The adoption form for an elderly dog with gangrene at Pups in Paradise Animal Shelter required everyone in the rescuer’s household to…
LOS ANGELES — A beloved old band tee officially retired from his wild lifestyle of sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll for a prime-time spot…
PHOENIX, Ariz. — An Arizona judge recently sentenced a man who ate his roommate’s leftovers to two years in federal prison in a monumental case…
SAN JOSE, Calif. — Local man Seth Beaudreault achieved the longest health kick of any American trying to eat better, breaking the world record with…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — A recent study from Stanford University concluded that millennials have eaten enough Pop-Tarts and Bagel Bites to completely preserve their bodies…
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Self-proclaimed alpha male, Jared Andrews, suffered a nervous breakdown last week when attempting to eat a banana without looking “gay,” authorities…
LOS ANGELES — The world-famous yellow AOL running man was reportedly found unconscious at the Chateau Marmont last night after an alleged drug overdose following…
LONG BEACH, Calif.—Aspiring musician Keith Brown’s practice space was transformed from a once-fun jam area to an utterly sexless dungeon, sources sadly confirmed. “Welcome to…
BOSTON — The Solar Eclipse, expected to be visible later today, admitted he got super hard just thinking about how many people would be staring…
If you’re reading this, it’s too late. Wingstop forgot to put ranch in the bag. The only part of your meal that mattered. Obviously the…
If you’re like me you probably stay up all hours of the night tossing and turning while trying to stop your brain from remembering an…
SEATTLE, Wash. — Newly sober punk Dustin Patterson swore off alcohol after he experienced his first-ever bowel movement with a single, clean wipe, confirmed sources…
NEW YORK — Local man Doug Clearing has been accused of shouting his relationship problems into friend Lewis Samson’s ear during the band Mudd Butt’s…
It took me years to finally quit smoking. I’m really proud of myself. I’ve pretty much lost the desire to smoke altogether. Unless of course…
The new year is almost here and it’s time to pick a resolution that has value, which means you need a resolution that will piss…