Sports Shirt Safely Vintage Enough That You Won’t Be Mistaken for Actual Fan
LOS FELIZ, Calif. — A shirt bearing the logo of a professional hockey team was deemed an acceptable purchase recently…
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Joe Rumrill — Page 3
173 stories found
Harsh Noise Show Audience Unaware Fire Alarm Has Been Going off Past 45 Minutes
BLOOMFIELD, Conn. — All 12 attendees of a sold-out harsh noise show were reportedly oblivious to the blaring fire alarm…
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Drunken Rendition of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” Dangerously Close to Morphing Into “It’s the End of the World as We Know It”
WILLISTON, N.D. — Participants of a weekly karaoke night cringed in disbelief as a local businessman’s booze-fueled “We Didn’t Start…
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Folk Punk Show Audience Can’t Be Bothered to Look Up From Their Soup Cans Connected by String
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — The audience of a recent Terry and the Tire Irons show consisted of apathetic young folk punks…
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Man With Nothing Going on Forces Self to Wait 10 Excruciating Minutes Before RSVPing to Party
NEW YORK — Local 36-year-old loser Ryan Buttermyer reportedly maintained a heroic ten-minute wait period before confirming he’d be at…
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Everyone in Mosh Pit Hoping Popeye Doesn’t Notice That Can of Spinach by Merch Table
SWEETHAVEN VILLAGE — Mosh pitters of a recent Harbored Frustrations show were apprehensive when they noticed Popeye in the pit…
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Top-Hatted Guy Twiddling Handlebar Mustache in Crowd Watches as Guitarist Inches Closer to Stepping on Landmine Disguised as Pedal
KETTLE FALLS, Wash. — Local “Snidely Whiplash-type” Grivelsby Slinkslip was seen leering intently in the crowd for a shoegaze show…
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Guy Who’s Always Wanted To Learn Harmonica Excited For Lengthy Jail Sentence
CREST HILL, Ill. — Newly convicted felon Silas Deane Highway is reportedly looking forward to his 6-8 year prison sentence…
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Every Presidents of the United States of America Album Ranked
Finally, it’s time to cover some Presidents worth respecting! Armed with modified guitars and basses that ditched excessive strings, and…
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BOSS Finally Releases Pedal That Makes Guitar Sound Like “Jack Black Impersonating a Guitar Solo”
HAMAMATSU, Japan — Pedal manufacturer BOSS announced that they will finally be releasing a pedal that sounds like Jack Black…
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