AOC Grafts Gun Onto Arm, Demands You Hear the Planet’s Cries of Pain
NEW YORK, N.Y. — Gesturing wildly with the large machine gun that had been recently surgically grafted onto her right…
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Jay Miller
10 stories found
Animal Crossing: New Horizons is So Beautiful You Can Almost Forget It’s a Rehab Facility
Written by Jay Miller Narrated by Mark Roebuck Edited by Peter Kemme
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Bartender Must Cleave Through Groot to Verify His Age
KNOWHERE, T.R. — A bartender at Starlin’s Bar was forced to cut a section of Groot, a beloved Guardian of…
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Therapist and Patient Spend Their First Few Sessions Making Character Sheets
SAN FRANCISCO — Local tabletop gamer and new therapy patient Elliot Booker spent his first three sessions with Dr. Elijah…
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Level 16 Warlock Still Can’t Identify a d8
JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Local gamer Steven Chen reportedly held up a d10 when asked to roll 8d8 necrotic damage, despite…
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New Pokémon Champion Still Receiving Hundreds of 1099 Forms From Defeated Opponents
WYNDON, Galar — Newly appointed Pokémon Champion and Galar native Alex Khalil has become overwhelmed with a flood of 1099-MISC…
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Dungeon Master Finally Writes Perfect Campaign, Distributes Scripts to Players
COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Dungeon Master Daniel Hyde recently finished writing his ideal D&D campaign and released the final draft…
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Host Offers Choice Between This Really Dope Board Game That Sounds Awesome and Two Others
SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local game night host Paul Cumiskey has been subjected to heavy criticism following guests’ accusations of bias…
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Grim Reaper Not Sure Who to Take After Thousands Proclaim ‘I Am Kirk Douglas’
LOS ANGELES — The immortal god of death, the Grim Reaper, is reportedly frustrated with Kirk Douglas fans claiming to…
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Professor X Sends Thoughts and Prayers, Killing Thousands
NORTH SALEM, N.Y. — 2,104 people were found dead after local professor Charles Xavier used his telepathic powers to send…
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