Stop & Shop Discontinuing Cigarette Sales Due to Decline in Cool Teenagers
QUINCY, Mass. — Supermarket chain Stop & Shop announced that their stores would no longer sell cigarettes due to poor…
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Ben Friedman — Page 14
337 stories found
Report: Nearly Half of Burning Man Attendees Don’t Have Enough of Their Parents’ Money Saved to Go This Year
BLACK ROCK CITY, Nev. — A troubling economic report revealed that 48% of this year’s projected Burning Man attendees don’t…
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Nice! This Private Equity Firm Accidentally Bought Itself and Immediately Went Bankrupt
You’ll be hard-pressed to find a worse man-made blight on this planet than private equity firms. All they are good…
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You’re Forklift Certified? Name Three OSHA Rules You’ve Blatantly Violated
Well if it isn’t the new guy! Just so we’re clear from the get go, we do things a little…
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“It’s Too Early for Pumpkin Spice!” Says Man with Fridge Full of Oktoberfest Beers
MINNEAPOLIS — Local man Greg Johannssen claims it’s too early in the year for Starbucks to release pumpkin spice flavored…
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New Age Hippie Concerned With Potential Level of Microplastics Found in Placenta He’s Eating
PORTLAND, Ore. — Local new age lifestyle hippie Moon Sage was forced to reconsider his family’s eating habits after learning…
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Simone Biles Opens Up the Pit With Perfect Double Layout With Half Twist
PARIS — A local hardcore show instantly achieved immediate legendary status after Olympic legend Simone Biles single-handedly opened up the…
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Opinion: Why Haven’t We Are Scientists Written a Song About Mitochondria Being the Powerhouse of the Cell?
I think it’s fair to say that We Are Scientists is a great band but every time I listen to…
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JD Vance Catching More Backlash After Saying Women Over 30 Shouldn’t Be Happy
ST. CLOUD, Minn. — Vice Presidential nominee J.D. Vance found himself in hot water again over his views regarding childless…
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Landlord Fines Tenant for Undisclosed Roommates After Reporting Bedbug Infestation
QUEENS, N.Y. — Local man Nate McKellen was shocked to find that his landlord slapped him with a massive fine…
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