HARDTIMES

January 16, 2024

AKRON, Ohio — Local post-punk band Blaque Tye started a Patreon page last week as part of an esoteric sexual…

March 25, 2021

LONGVIEW, Wash. — Gamer cryptologist Emma Donovan claimed she saw Bigfoot in the woods this morning, but was only able…

March 12, 2021

SAN FRANCISCO — Twitter reached an important milestone this month, celebrating the 15 consecutive years that founder Jack Dorsey has…

February 24, 2021

LOS GATOS, Calif. — The grotesque monster living under Netflix cried out in hunger this morning, desperate for more mid-budget…

February 19, 2021

PASADENA, Calif. — Mars rover Perseverance has already been filled to the brim with ferrite dust, engineers announced this morning.…

February 15, 2021

DURHAM, N.C. — Virtual reality gamer Austin Yelts reportedly lost interest in his life after buying an Oculus headset, complaining…

February 14, 2021

MONTREAL — Following the success of Assassin's Creed: Valhalla, Ubisoft hinted that their next game would delve further into history…

January 27, 2021

NEW YORK — Hedge fund manager Tweed Newtshire lost over $1 billion this week, all because of a dumb mobile…

January 15, 2021

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Responding to criticism over his planned $1,400 stimulus check, President-elect Joe Biden clarified that a full $2,000…

January 12, 2021

WARSAW — Executives at CD Projekt Red breathed a sigh of relief as the disastrous launch of Cyberpunk 2077 dropped…