Joe Biden Promises Action on Police Malarkey
WILMINGTON, Del. — Presumed Democratic Presidential nominee Joe Biden promised swift action during a digital town hall earlier today for…
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Andrew Murphy
15 stories found
Drunk Scientists Discover Link Between Not Doing Your Shot, Being a Total Pussy
BOSTON — A landmark study by a rowdy crew of sloshed scientists at the Harvard School of Drunk Studies have…
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Million Frontman March Enters 17th Consecutive Day of Speeches
WASHINGTON — The heavily anticipated Million Frontman March, meant to promote brotherhood and unity while taking a stand against backstabbing,…
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Fundamentalist Punk Believes Scene Is Six Years Old
OMAHA, Neb. — Fundamentalist punk Jacob Krayer believes the Greater Omaha hardcore scene is only six years old despite overwhelming…
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High School Elects Some Loser with Cancer as Homecoming King Instead of Rad Quarterback
MT. VERNON, Wash. — Students and faculty at George Washington High School were enraged last week after cancer-stricken student Zachary…
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