Now that people in the United States are being forced to have babies, it feels like choice is a thing of the past. But when it comes to how you have your baby, you still have options, and nothing beats a natural birth right in the center of a killer mosh pit.
My first child, Darby, was both premature and breech, meaning he tried to bail on my womb early and feet-first; typical! I had no choice but to be drugged and cut open by my doctor, which sounds cool, but to this day I’m haunted by all the pain I didn’t get to experience. At least I have a cool scar.
When I found out I was pregnant with baby Rollins, I made sure to plan the ideal birth experience: natural, healthy, and surrounded by the whirling limbs of aggressive punks.
Childbirth is natural, and our bodies are made for it. But this mombod is also made for absolutely fucking shit up in the pit. Pain is actually helpful: in childbirth, it helps you figure out how to push and change positions; in the pit, it helps you feel alive for just a fleeting moment before you’re forced to return to the meaninglessness of everyday life.
What’s more alive than a juicy, freshly-birthed baby punk? Fucking nothing, that’s what. Face it, the pit was made for welcoming babies into the violent chaos of this world.
Babies get tons of health benefits from being delivered naturally through the vadge, thanks to all of mama’s bacteria; and this mama barely showers because she lives in a crust co-op. Combine that with all the blood, sweat, and spilled beer in the pit, and Rollins is going to be the healthiest motherfucker at this grindcore show.
Ok, FUCK, my contractions are godddddddaaaaaaaammmmmnnnnn FUCK, only about one grindcore song apart, and COCKSUCKER the headliner just started a breakdown SHIT so it’s fucking time! Time to open up this pit and WHY FUCK WHY open up this cervix.