LOS ANGELES — Local theater-goer Glen Davis received the shock of his life during a recent screening of “The Odyssey,” when a hatch in his Trojan Horse-shaped popcorn bucket opened up and a battalion of tiny armored men emerged, witnesses reported.
“I had just sat down to enjoy Christopher Nolan’s latest masterpiece in 70-mm IMAX, the way it was meant to be seen, but before Nicole Kidman could even declare that heartbreak feels good in a place like this, I’m being invaded like I’m freakin’ Troy!” said Davis, who was hoping to enjoy some popcorn during the film. “At least I still get to take home this cool novelty popcorn bucket, I suppose. It’ll look nice next to my Dune ‘Shai-Hulud’ popcorn bucket, which did not come with a tiny Timothée Chalamet, I might add.”
The tiny men, standing about four inches tall and clad in black metallic armor, rushed out of the popcorn bucket and immediately started invading the Americana at Brand AMC 18.
“For Greece! For glory! Onward, men!” said the leader of the tiny battalion, later identified as Tiny Odysseus. “Tomorrow we begin the long journey home, but today we fight! Although we may be trapped in this dark, giant-filled cave that is throwing strange lights and images on the wall, we shall persevere. Nothing can come between my men and– Oh hey, is that ‘Minions & Monsters’? Cool! I hope it’s in 3D.”
The frustrations among those watching the film were not shared by concession stand employee Colin Pretsch, who sold Davis the popcorn bucket prior to the film.
“Why are people always so shocked when this happens? Don’t they know the story? It’s only thousands of years old,” Pretsch said while refilling the cherry vanilla syrup in the Coca-Cola Freestyle machine. “I know no one reads anymore, but still, it’s one of the most famous stories of all time. I realize this is the first time any of our popcorn buckets have contained something other than popcorn, but hey, you get what you pay for. Which reminds me, can I interest you in a Popcorn Pass?”
At press time, the tiny men were seen rushing into a Sephora store to take advantage of all the free samples.
