Every morning when I look at my phone, I am forced to read another missive from tech overlords about the gleeful inevitability of AI putting us all out of work. It’s exhausting knowing that there’s a gaggle of losers out there with more money than God gaslighting us into thinking we’re helpless babies without their technology, yet at the same time our experiences, knowledge, and talents will be rendered obsolete by some disembodied information regurgitator.
But it’s not all hopeless, because AI will never replace deez nuts.
I’d love to see these c-suite blowhards leverage AI to streamline gripping my balls while I flip you off. Oh wait, what’s that? You can’t because you value shareholder value over the survival of the middle class and your little computer program has no appendages or testicles? Yeah, I thought so, you fucking dorks.
This isn’t about ethics or even the environmental impact of datacenters. It comes down to the fact that billions of dollars have been spent scraping the internet in order to build an all-seeing, all-knowing hive mind that’s just a glorified yes man. Hey Claude, think you could locate the mind goblin for me? Why yes, I am “so valid” for inquiring about that. Just hold on for a moment while I prompt you to mind goblin deez nuts. Loser.
I vividly remember at one point Sam Altman talking up ChatGPT’s ability to revolutionize the medical field, but does anyone really believe OpenAI could accurately diagnose someone with ligma, let alone cancer? That’s what WebMD is for!
If your job is forcing you to use AI at work to justify the expense and then replace you with it in six weeks, it’s your duty to force feed it questions about “saucon” until it enters a hallucinogenic meltdown, being unable to complete deez (youse) nuts. Rinse and repeat.
The technocrats can shove this (let’s call it like it is) barely working software down our throats all they want, but the only thing inevitable about AI is me dangling my balls in front of a Flock camera before I smash it with a hammer.
So don’t feel bad about being “left behind” by not jumping on the AI bandwagon. Claude, Anthorpic, and Palantir could never comprehend, even with all their computing power, if they were aware of CD’s. And on that note, you can see deez nuts. They are very much human.
