After Memorial Day Weekend, there is no doubt that the Song of the Summer is The CNN Breaking News Alert.
It seems like it’s the first thing you hear in the morning, and the last thing you hear before your crippling anxiety keeps you awake in bed at night. All summer long, you won’t be able to go five minutes without hearing, “BAH NAH NAHHHHHH This is CNN Breaking News!”
Whether it’s the Strait of Hormuz opening, Ebola elbowing Hantavirus out of the way, or the Strait of Hormuz closing, you won’t be able to go five minutes without hearing this absolute earworm.
Who knows how long this song will be with us, but early signs say it’s not going anywhere anytime soon. It may actually become the Song of The Fall, The Song of The Holidays, A Spring Break Banger, and then The Song of The Summer again.
Like a $6 gallon of gasoline, The CNN Breaking News Alert is here to stay.
It’s too early to tell, but Wolf Blitzer was recently seen behind home plate with Lorne Michaels and Jimmy Fallon, leading us to believe you might be seeing The CNN Breaking News Alert on The Tonight Show very soon, and maybe on the season 52 premiere of Saturday Night Live!
“BAH NAH NAHHHHH!”
We just bombed a joint birthday party + graduation + wedding in Iran!
“This is CNN Breaking News!”
Chat GPT has amassed an army of uncontrollable AI drones that shoot fire and knives, and they’re headed straight for the World Cup Final in New York City.
Looks like we’re all in the situation room, now!
At press time, CNN was working on a Breaking News remix before plans to drop a new Key Race Alert track ahead of the 2026 midterm elections.
