SAN DIEGO — Blink-182 co-founder and co-lead vocalist Tom Delonge was recently spotted at Balboa Park apparently overcome by a wave of nostalgia and reflecting on, what he referred to as, “the pahhseeng of toime,” confirmed sources.
“It’s just loike, where does the toime gyo?” mused Delonge. “So many mahmories have been made, so many loves that I thought would last forever are all just distant veesions, trahpped in the pyast. It seems loike just yahsterday that I was on top of the world, and I know our music will live forever, but at the end of the day, what are we but a collecshyun of fading phyotos- a dahdeelyon seed floateeng away on the breeze inside my yead?”
San Diego Parks and Recreation worker Anna Malenko happened to pass by the scene and provided her account of Delonge’s dark teatoime of the soul.
“He’s clearly not in the best mood and I can’t believe he actually sounds like that in real life,” began Malenko while eavesdropping. “I mean I grew up listening to Blink-182. I remember one ‘toime’ me and my buddies sold an ounce of weed to the same dude we stole it from a few days earlier just to be able to buy tickets to one of their shows back in 1999. Their music was one of the soundtracks to my childhood. It makes me sad to think about one of my heroes feeling like ‘toime’ is slipping away from them.”
Mark Hoppus, the other co-founder and co-lead vocalist of Blink-182, had some less than charitable interpretations of Delonge’s sullen behavior.
“Oh my God, is he moping in the park again? I swear to Christ, when this guy isn’t busy flipping his hair or tonguing his lip piercings, he’s cooking up some new way to be upset about something,” said Hoppus. “I love him, I really do. We’re bandmates and brothers, but Tom is the kind of guy that will just sit there sighing until someone asks him what’s wrong, does that paint the picture? We’re worth tens of millions of dollars. We officially made it. We’ve gone further than almost any band ever will, but no, he’s gotta be sure to make time to be emo in a park somewhere. Also, real quick- does he still pronounce ‘time’ like that?”
As of press time, Delonge was seen counting webs from all the spiders, catching things and eating their insides.
