Hey, you with the As I Lay Dying t-shirt with the sleeves cut off and swelled-up ankles. You’re a metalcore fan, huh? Well, true fans of AILD know their best songs are the ones with only Tim screaming, like “94 Hours” and “Bury Us All.” That clean vocal shit is for pussies, bruh! Real metal doesn’t have singing! You can’t ego-lift and performatively grunt at the gym with some cringe melody in your ear.
Anyhow, if you’re such a fan of AILD, then name three anabolic steroids. Go ahead. I’ll wait while you go to the bathroom to find an injection site in your ass cheek. No judgment, by the way. Look, I get what it’s like to suffer from the horrors of muscle dysmorphia. Horrors like looking at your reflection in the mirror and seeing oily, acne-riddled skin and wondering if it’s all worth it. It is, and you know that because your disturbingly vascular arms in that cut-off shirt scream, “Yes!” every time.
So, how about naming those three anabolic steroids for me while I flex for ya.
Testosterone enanthate? I guess that’s technically a steroid, but you’ll never get swole as fuck using that alone. If you’re not taking real gear, how are you gonna change into a perpetually abusive roid-rage psycho that flips tables and punches walls at the slightest inconvenience?
Dianabol? Hmm. You know D-Bol is an oral steroid, right? If you don’t use a needle for your gear, it’s soyboy shit, bruh! There’s no danger of stabbing yourself with D-Bol. Part of the appeal of roids is struggling to steady your shaky hand while you try to shoot up. If you’re lookin’ to damage your liver orally, alcohol abuse is a cheaper and easier option, anyway.
Testosterone cypionate? Now there we go. It’s only for men, so ya know that’s the true shit. Only a real man would risk the chance of having a blood-clotting issue just to get his pump on to hit that PR. Real lifters — real men — risk their lives over important stuff like getting peeled and ripped. Getting mirin’ from other serious lifters is all that matters, brosef.
Hey, since we’re talking steroids, do ya got any of those single-use syringes left?
