LOS ANGELES — Local 38-year-old punk Nicole Crane is very excited to check out the supposed new band Perimenopause that’s been all over her social media timelines, confirmed sources.
“I always like to keep up with hip, new happenings in the punk world, and it’s really nice to know that my algorithm reflects that about me,” shared Crane. “For the past few weeks, I’ve seen Perimenopause all over all my social media timelines. With a name like that, I know it’s got to be a really sick band. They even have interesting song titles too. Can’t wait to check out their tracks ‘Night Sweats,’ ‘Decreased Libido,’ and ‘Mood Swings’ on their debut album called ‘Menstrual Changes.’ Finally, a band that speaks to how I’ve been feeling lately.”
Chainsmoking Babies, a veteran punk band in the scene, shed some more light on this heavily trending topic.
“There’s no punk band with that name. That lady is definitely seeing that in her timeline because her algo knows she’s getting up there,” shared Chainsmoking Babies frontwoman, Betty Black Lung. “The phenomenon known as perimenopause can begin as early as 35, so it’s important to check with your doctor if you experience any symptoms such as fatigue, thinning hair, and vaginal pain. But this lady should know she can still rock out even if she needs a prescription cream for her coochie pain.”
Psychologist Nicole Sender shared insights from her research on the emerging topic of aging Millennials.
“There’s a concerning phenomenon that seems to occur as the Millennial ages, which is that they seem to think they are much younger than they are. We think it might be due to the fact that they grew up with the advent of trendy technology such as social media and continue to be infantilized by the rest of the world,” said Sender. “Whatever the case may be, they’re on the verge of death since they think they’re too young to need medication. The cruel irony is that they’re too old for these health issues to land them in the 27 Club. But don’t tell them I said that.”
At press time, Crane felt vindicated after discovering a band out of Waukesha, Wisconsin, called Peri Men o’Pause and their single “I’m Growing a Beard and I Don’t Feel Like Fuckin’” has 234 plays on SoundCloud.
