NEEDHAM, Mass. — A self-avowed super fan of the rock band Geese was surprised by her well-meaning parents with a pair of tickets to see the jam band Goose, sources confirm.
“My parents tried their best and I appreciate that,” said Jane Salerno. “But it was hard to hide my disappointment when I opened the envelope to find tickets to see Goose—I hate jam bands. I just smiled really big and said, ‘Gee, thanks!’ When my mom texted me last month asking for the name of the band I’m really into, I thought she was going to get me a tee shirt or cassette tape like they did last year. Do they know me at all? A jam band? Why not just get me a pair of devil sticks, a hacky sack, and some nag champa while they’re at it?”
Salerno’s parents are still under the impression their gift was a hit.
“Jane was ecstatic on Christmas morning. She’s been talking about wanting to see The Goose for months. Apparently they’re a really big deal—the singer played piano at Carnegie Hall!” said Mrs. Salerno while flattening crumpled wrapping paper to reuse next year. “We always do our best to figure out what our kids really want for Christmas. You should’ve seen our son Brian’s face when he opened his gift. He’s a big fan of those comic book movies, so this year we got him one called ‘Morbius’ on DVD.”
Music critic Shep Quinn says that bands with similar names have been causing confusion for nearly as long as rock and roll has existed.
“Early on, there were The Who and The Guess Who—a lot of boomers can’t wrap their heads around that one to this day,” said Quinn. “Then there’s Bryan Adams and Ryan Adams, and people still get screwed up over Rocket from the Tombs and Rocket from the Crypt. Even a music writer like myself can get mixed up. I once brought a Velvet Underground LP to get signed at a John Cale show, only to discover J.J. Cale was performing that night. He said it happens all the time and gladly did a competent forgery of John Cale’s signature on my record.”
At press time, Ms. Salerno had reportedly taken a large dose of mushrooms and listened to several Goose live shows back to back, but was unsuccessful in her effort to force herself to like the band.
