You may find yourself wondering about your loved one who, several years ago, once picked a fight with another emo to defend Daisy. “Is he” — and it’s going to be mostly dudes — “going to the Brand New show this weekend?” It can be hard to tell. Sure, he was outraged when the news broke about Jared Leto and the allegations against him. But honestly, he already thought Thirty Seconds to Mars sucked, so that didn’t cost him anything emotionally.
If you’re thinking there’s a guy out there proudly announcing he’s going to see Brand New this weekend, he’s not. That guy doesn’t exist. He is prone to feeling shame. But here are a few signs that might give him away:
Deep Cuts Have Appeared on His Spotify “On Repeat” Playlist
This might’ve been true for years, but now he’s being weird about it. Maybe you’re his spouse and you hear the Leaked Demo version of “Luca” start playing over the Bluetooth speaker while he’s in the shower, and he just tersely asks you to skip it. Maybe you’re his kid, old enough to sense your dad’s unease when you ask “Who is this?” as Jesse Lacey’s acoustic cover of “Bad Day” by Bad Religion plays, and he starts to look nervous. Maybe you’re his friend, grabbing Taco Bell together after getting stoned on a Wednesday afternoon and realizing you’re way too old for this, when suddenly “In a Jar” starts playing and he begins shaking uncontrollably and pissing himself. These things are subtle. But if you’re seeing the signs, he might be seeing Brand New this weekend.
Is He a Narcissist?
This one’s tricky. Plenty of narcissists aren’t going to see Brand New this weekend. The guy you’re looking for is narcissistic in a specific way — just enough to be annoying, but not enough to make you actively hate him. He’s the kind of guy who thinks he’s being clever by saying, “I’m actually pretty narcissistic,” as though calling it out offsets their vague unpleasantness. If you’re in the early stages of a relationship with someone like this, beware. Try this test: give him a compliment. If he gets visibly uncomfortable, tries to deflect, or even argues with you about it, he’s probably going to the Brand New show this weekend.
Gets Worked Up on the Internet
Is he the kind of guy who gets worked up arguing with 20-year-old, broccoli-haired Zoomers in YouTube comments? You’ve probably glanced over his shoulder and seen him passionately debating strangers about emo genre purity on r/EmoScreamo. Chances are, he spends late nights scrolling through r/brandnew in the dark, spiraling down threads dissecting the Jesse Lacey situation because he needs to find some way to morally justify going to the Brand New show this weekend.
Uses “Nuance” to Excuse Shitty Behavior
Ever call Morrissey an asshole because you learned about that time he said something racist about Chinese people, and instead of agreeing with you, this guy launched into a TED Talk about “separating the art from the artist?” Yeah, he’s going to the Brand New show this weekend.
Claims He’s Going to See Mannequin Pussy
When he says this, you feel something’s off. You look at him — black band tee, flannel overshirt, jeans — and think, that doesn’t seem right. He’s not even covering up his “FIGHT OFF YOUR DEMONS” tattoo. Sure, you know Mannequin Pussy is touring. But, you’re pretty sure you heard your friend Sage say one of their partners went to see them last Wednesday. Why would he pick them? He’s probably overcompensating. He feels guilty. He’s 100% going to see Brand New this weekend.
Remember: don’t shame him too harshly. He is, by the nature of his existence, far too fragile to handle criticism. Just ask if he had a good time and move on. Sure, you suspect he might be the kind of person to harbor some problematic thoughts, but you also know he’d never actually say them out loud, so it’s fine. Just hold onto this moment. You’ll have this in your back pocket for when you go see Lostprophets when they inevitably have a reunion tour in 20 years or so.