NEW YORK — President Donald Trump’s sons Eric and Don Jr. announced a new Trump Mobile cellular phone service that will feature a new phone called the T1, which will be priced at $499 and come preloaded with the full Epstein contact list, excited sources confirm.
“This phone will have it all. The ability to not only send, but also receive text messages. All on the only 5G network that won’t activate the microchip the Biden administration implanted in you with the COVID-19 vaccine,” said Eric Trump. “But we wanted this phone to be special. Something that makes it stand out above all the other cell phones on the market. So we are going to ship every phone with a contact list populated by everyone named in the Epstein files. You have direct access to the inner circle, you can text my dad to tell him how great a job he’s doing. Or you could text the Clintons and harass them for eating children. You have the power.”
Gary Delucca, a Trump supporter from Florida, was one of the first people to preorder the new phone.
“As a proud graduate of Trump University I know the Trump name carries a lot of weight. When potential employers find out I have a degree in business from Trump U they can’t help but laugh because they know they have a true genius applying to work for them,” said Delucca. “I basically lived off of Trump Steaks until my doctor told me all my organs were failing and I needed to stop eating the meat Trump shipped me. I didn’t listen, ended up in a coma, and when I woke up they were out of business. I honestly wish someone had pulled the plug on me, because I didn’t want to live in a world without Trump Steaks, but this phone makes me optimistic again. And I’ll finally be able to text Bruce Willis and tell him ‘Die Hard’ was actually based on my life.”
President Trump believes this will be the best mobile phone ever made.
“Verizon, AT&T, T-Mobile, they are all cell phone service providers for Anitfa and the radical left lunatics that want to abort every beautiful American baby, and those babies are beautiful folks. And this phone will be made here in America, the best country in the world,” said Trump. “It’s going to create so many jobs it will make your head spin. People are already coming up to me and saying ‘I quit my job as the CEO of business because I wanted to do my part and make these phones in the USA.’ A lot of these people don’t even want to be paid, and we won’t pay them, so we can pass those savings on to every person who can prove they voted for me.”
Eric and Donald Trump Jr. also announced that the T1 phone will ship with Tiffany Trump’s number pre-blocked.