WASHINGTON — White House Economic Advisor Peter Navarro aggressively challenged a report detailing the country’s negative GDP growth during the first quarter of the year, arguing that the economy’s shrinkage was only because of the cold weather conditions, the Trump Administration confirmed.
“Now hold on a minute this is a complete misunderstanding, okay? I assure you our economic outlook isn’t this small, it just looks that way because it was super cold outside and Americans just didn’t want to be outside and just wanted to import a whole shitload of stuff and didn’t feel like buying any of it. Global warming my ass. Who told the Bureau of Economic Analysis we were shrinking, those hypocrites China? Anyone would think it looks smaller than it is from a certain angle and the tariffs look bigger in comparison. Ask England, they’ll tell you how big our shit is,” Navarro told the White House press corp. “Nope, nothing to do with the President inciting a very necessary trade war, ICE arresting and harassing immigrants, or that international tourism is significantly down because we’re being boycotted across the globe. It’s simply a case of those frigid Midwest temperatures and unfounded rumors, which are definitely due to GDP envy. Trust me, once the Q2 results come in the world will see America is more of a grower than a shower. We’ll see who is pointing and laughing then!”
As of press time, Navarro was seen trying to calm President Trump down after someone at the Treasury Department wrote “America has a baby GDP” in a bathroom stall.