BLOOMINGTON, Ind. — Local sexual deviant Glen O’Roarke wished the performers at the Cabaret Tease Burlesque Show would hurry up and get naked already because he didn’t have all day, confirmed much more patient sources.
“What’s a guy gotta do to see some full-frontal up in this joint?” said O’Roarke as he impatiently tapped his wristwatch at the dancers. “I’m only checking this place out because my normal peeler bar asked/told me not to come around anymore because of my ‘vibe,’ but I’ve already been here milking this beer for 40 minutes and so far all I’ve seen are frilly knickers, some side boob, and a bunch of long comedy skits. If I had known these chicks would be such prudes I would have just gone to Victoria’s Secret to leer at the mannequins for free.”
Performer Honey Vixen described the unruly customer.
“What kind of moron’s never heard of a burlesque show?” stated Vixen. “Everyone should know we’re not that kind of a club. We offer a unique one-of-a-kind entertainment experience, we’re not here just to flash you so you can get off. But this weirdo really freaked everyone out, obnoxiously chanting to see more skin and getting upset when he couldn’t get a lap dance. We tried to ignore him, but after he made it rain on one of the girls our bouncer Beretta Royale had no choice but to throw him out and teach him a lesson.”
Psychologist Dr. Chris Sampson explained that it’s not uncommon for perverts to misjudge their surroundings and make people uncomfortable.
“Society has a long history of trying to coexist with degenerates,” Dr. Sampson stated. “For as long as human civilization has been around, there has always been a group of dirty men skeeving everyone out. These people spend so much time in houses of ill-repute that they get a warped sense of reality and expect nudity everywhere. Ignoring them is tricky because it can have the opposite effect, so I recommend removing them as quickly as possible and if that doesn’t work a can of mace will.”
At press time, the club was able to continue the show uninterrupted while O’Roarke was finally able to get satisfaction after getting kicked in the balls by the bouncer, which was apparently one of his many sick kinks.