RAQQA, Syria — Terrorist organization ISIS is taking credit for a stylish TikTok video showing masked figures successfully reattaching a man’s severed head, according to pleasantly surprised sources.
“We met with a public relations agency and asked plainly, ‘Why do so many people hate and fear us?’ They said it probably has to do with all the bombings and beheadings,” said ISIS spokesman Kassem Al-Azraq. “They helped us produce the video, which has done so much to rehabilitate our image. The agency used CG to make it appear that a man’s head had been restored to his body. The smiling man then stands up, shakes all of the ISIS members’ hands, and they pose for a photo together. The swelling score really makes it quite moving. Hashtag isisgoodguysnow.”
TikTok users have been excitedly spreading the video and sharing their reactions to the heartening content.
“The mainstream narrative has been that ISIS is this evil terrorist group who goes around killing people or whatever,” said new age TikTokker Sandra Bassinet. “But after seeing this video and how it has lifted so many hearts around the world, I have to say my opinion has changed. Everyone makes mistakes, and it looks like these guys are invested in growing and making amends for some of the uncool stuff they’ve done in the past. Check out my reaction video to get a coupon code for a crystal that is charged with positive energy that the video gave me.”
Top-level PR firms are accustomed to the challenges that come along with infamous clients like ISIS, according to Anderson Gein, partner at Gein, Gein and Gacy.
“We’ve handled many cases for high-profile clients with similar negative public opinion,” said Gein. “Correcting these perceptions boils down to our capability to lie very effectively, and on a grand scale. Our main tactic is to flood the zone with bullshit. Ever hear people say online that the January 6 insurrectionists were ‘mostly peaceful’ or ‘just sightseers’? Yeah, that was one of our campaigns. We’ve recently been hired by Russell Brand’s team—if we do our job right, in a year or so Brand will be out promoting a new comedy special, and everyone will have forgotten about those allegations.”
At press time, the Taliban had released an announcement teasing their upcoming series of mukbang videos.