The other day I overheard one of my colleagues say they love teaching because, in the end, they learn as much from the students as the students learn from them.
I said, “Are you shitting me? How are those two equal?” I really wish I knew because, while my students teach me a lot, I don’t teach them shit.
I know this for a fact. Every day after class I say, “Okay, so what did we learn today?” After some silence I say, “Who can name one of today’s takeaways?” I say, “Anyone?” Then I say, “Remmy?” (Remmy’s my best student—she’s taught me pretty much everything.) Remmy kind of opens her hands and shakes her head. I say, “Plato? Sophocles? Proust? Hamlet? Jean Valjean? Karl Marx? Richard Marx?” These are random names I’ve heard of. I say, “Any of that ring a bell?” It doesn’t to me, and it doesn’t to them.
I guess I can’t blame them. I’m supposed to teach them “classical literature,” and every day I assign homework from the Norton Anthology of Classical Literature. At the beginning of every class, I ask what they learned. I ask because I myself didn’t understand it. I did the reading, but I did it wrong, and often I can’t even remember the pages I assigned. Also, like, who wants to read something written by “Mimnermus”? or “Anonymous”? or “Horace”? I had a roommate named Horace. He was an asshole.
But when I ask what they remember, the reading comes alive for me. They guide me to specific passages and read them to me. When I say, “Okay, what does that mean?” they explain them to me. It’s amazing. Here are a few things I’ve learned:
- Plato was kind of a “pedo.”
- But it was cool because, like, back then, all men did it.
- Anonymous isn’t a real writer. He’s a myth. Or he could be “several people.” Honestly, I didn’t really get this part.
- Lyric poetry is called such because, like, way back in the olden days, it was accompanied by a lyre. (I didn’t know that!)
- A lyre is like a guitar, but you can’t really shred on it.
- Phil Collins drums, sings, and plays synthesizer.
- Texas has 254 counties while Delaware has 3.
- There’s only one country in the world that begins with the letter W.
- Detroit is fucked, man.
And that’s just from one class! Imagine what I could learn over the course of a semester!
As you can see, we always get off track, and this is a huge relief to me because after about fifteen minutes I can’t take any more “classical literature.”
Look, I love my students. They’re youthful, patient (with me), smart, lively, full of knowledge, and, unlike I am, they’re well-read and -traveled. In return, they have a shitty teacher. I feel so sorry for them. I actually have a Ph.D., and I remember nothing from those days. But these days? I’m kind of learning a lot.
