NEEDLES, Calif. — Frequent patrons of local watering hole The Running Refrigerator are reportedly befuddled over realizing the bar’s ever-playing jukebox solely contains tracks of prank phone calls, hot-tempered sources confirmed.
“There’s literally no way to play anything close to music in this place, it’s insanely frustrating. Just track after track of Jerky Boys and Longmont Potion Castle played at full volume! The ambiance is insane,” complained reluctant Running Refrigerator barfly Simmons Delillo. “And it doesn’t stop at the jukebox, no sir! Last Super Bowl Sunday, all the televisions ran different episodes of ‘Crank Yankers’ played at the same time. Why do I keep coming back to this place?”
Bar owner and primary bartender Rowan Glatt defended his apparent diehard love of the art of the prank call, and the atmosphere it provides.
“Look, if you don’t like the stuff I play in MY bar, then you can kindly get the hell out! It’s simple as that. I don’t want customers with no sense of humor anyhow,” said a firm Glatt, while whipping a hand towel over his shoulder for emphasis. “There’s nothing funnier than a well-executed crank call, and I salute anyone who can do it right. Tried to make a few myself back in college, but I could never go pro like the greats. Pardon me, I just got all misty-eyed thinking about what could have been.”
Professional prank caller King Ringer expressed mixed feelings on being asked to provide live entertainment at the establishment.
“As a professional prank phone caller, you never really expect to get contacted for live gigs, but Mr. Glatt was just such a fan of the medium, I couldn’t say no,” said Ringer. “I guess his patrons were complaining about the stuff he played on the jukebox, so I was offered a weekly slot to take to the bar’s stage. Responses to the shows have been going chilly at best, I’ll certainly say that. Plus, it’s tough to get my targets on the other end of the line to fall for any of my schtick with all that booing and hissing over me. That’s show business, though, I guess!”
At press time, Glatt has since fallen ill and hired a substitute bartender who, to the continuing dismay of the regulars, strictly plays the sad Dave Foley episode of “WTF” over and over.