It’s a well-known fact that rock’n’roll reached perfection with the advent of punk rock. Since the Ramones first put together influences from bands like the Velvet Underground, the Stooges, and New York Dolls for their self-titled album, the punk genre — and its many offshoots — has served up the best music people could possibly make with guitars, bass, drums, and yelling into the unrelenting void.
However, even perfection coughs up a few clunkers now and again, and with the benefit of hindsight, it’s clear that some of those “classic” punk songs that came to define the genre really never should’ve had the time of day to begin with. Here are 10 of those that are more overrated than eating a bacon-wrapped, IPA-infused cupcake at an Andy Warhol retrospective in summer.
Ramones “Blitzkrieg Bop”
Look, this song is absolutely fine for what it is. But there are so many better songs by the Ramones, and as the first track on what’s widely accepted as the “first” punk album, it’s become the de facto, lazy pick for cajoling an audience into manufactured excitement. Next time you hear it, we guarantee it’s either going to be in a Nissan commercial during a highway shot, leading into a power play at a hockey game, or when there’s a sale on running shoes at Target.
Iron Cross “Live for Now”
Every single cover of this song is better than the original by Iron Cross, and that’s a fact. Why does the whole band sound like they each drank their own bottle of cough syrup before recording?
FEAR “I Don’t Care About You”
FEAR might be the most derivative stereotype of punk that ever existed, and this song is Exhibit A. Gross-out shock value? Pissing on random cities? Dressing like a Hollywood caricature of “low down, no good punks?” Check, check, and check. There’s nothing threatening here; this was just made for pearl-clutching, and it still somehow sounds neutered. Outrageous for the sake of it, and incredibly boring because that’s all they are.
Black Flag “My War”
Ah, that glorious period where Greg Ginn discovered weed and somehow became even more of an asshole. “My War” is a fantastic opening salvo to telling fans that they should move along if they want anything fun from Black Flag ever again. Ginn was so concerned about wanking away on his guitar that he forgot to think about production, somehow creating a song that sounds like everyone is in a completely different room [though, if we worked with Ginn, we’d also want to be as far away as possible]. Yes, we get it, we’re “one of them” now.
Dead Boys “Sonic Reducer”
Lyrics written with all the intelligence of an 8-year-old, but with the added bonus that they basically just ripped off the sound of Pure Hell and made it worse. Next time you want to listen to the Dead Boys, go listen to Pure Hell instead. You’re welcome.
Bad Religion “American Jesus”
The AC/DC of punk — almost 20 albums that somehow all sound the same — changed it up exactly twice in their tenure, with very different results: “Into the Unknown” broke them up, and “American Jesus” got them mainstream play. Figures that the most boring, plodding song by a band known for its speed and melodies is the one that the rest of the world latched on to.
Everything by NOFX
Seriously, pick literally any song in their catalog, listen to it as long as you can stand it, and all the while ask yourself two questions: “How many people like this band?” and, “How do people even like this band?” If U2 can find an audience, so can they, we suppose.
The Exploited “Punk’s Not Dead”
A song so dumb it honestly probably should’ve made punk die. The epitome of fashion punks crying about their right to wear bondage pants and appropriate mohawks, it’s like AI was asked to make a song about “punks being punks, by punks, but for punks, and it should sound punk.” The fact that actual, adult humans created this is mind-boggling.
Social Distortion “Story of My Life”
Mike Ness took less than 5 minutes to tell his entire audience that he wasted their time and they’d never have to listen to him again. “Story of My Life” is basically a copy of a copy of a copy of a Social Distortion song… and therefore the blueprint to their entire catalog after 1990.
Sex Pistols “Anarchy in the U.K.”
We all knew this was coming. Too scared to actually “be” the anarchy they claimed to want, the original boyband of punk were a great product, selling millions of records and inspiring kids worldwide to buy $300 bondage pants with their parents’ money. They wrote one great song, and this isn’t it, but this is the one everyone still screams about because they never bothered to listen to anything else. [For the record, that one great song is “Bodies”].