PORTLAND, Ore. — Local man Eric Halverson was relieved to see his new goth girlfriend and his conservative father bond over their shared love of taxidermy, sources confirmed.
“I was pretty nervous about bringing Stacy home for the first time,” reported Halverson. “My parents can be pretty conservative and Stacy, well she can be intense. So imagine my surprise when they immediately found something they have in common, even if it happens to be dead animals. They were talking about how they both like to bring exciting new bones to show to their friends. Of course, he was talking about the gun club and she was referring to her coven, but at the end of the day what’s the difference? They had so much fun talking about his collection of Bear bacula that I don’t think she even noticed his MAGA hat in the garage. It’s a blessing too, because I don’t think Stacy would have appreciated his opinions on gender equality.”
Halvorson’s girlfriend, Stacy “Scheherazade” Kowalski, is no stranger to the art of dead fauna.
“I’ve been collecting various animal parts since I was a kid,” reported Kowalski. “In second grade I started with an ant farm, then a hamster. Before I knew it I was picking up squished birds and mammals off the side of the highway. Now I run a part time interpretive taxidermy Etsy shop. When I’m not bartending, of course. That being said, most of my customers are diehard Fox New viewers.”
Halvorson’s father, Barry “Butch” Halvorson, was equally surprised by the success of the visit.
“Eric’s always bringing these weird, creepy girls home, with their crazy colored hair and chunks of metal in their faces,” said the father of three. “This one, yeah she might look a little strange, but she knows a prize 14 point buck when she sees one. I’ve been getting so worked up lately with the whole indictment thing, and how these feminists can’t stop killing babies, and that the heroes from the January 6th demonstration don’t deserve this kind of treatment. It was really nice to meet someone who knows a thing or two about stuffing dead coyotes and mounting deer heads to the wall.”
At press time, Halverson was excited to see Kowalski and his mom have an in-depth discussion about separating dark clothes from white ones while doing laundry.