doing drugs Archives

Crust Punk Worried His Drugs Aren’t Laced

Dom Turek • August 11, 2025

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Local crustie Hank “Spew” Collins was shocked and appalled to discover the cocaine he’d been snorting all…

Study Confirms There’s Nothing Cool About Drugs Except for All the Cool Stuff You’ll See, Hear, and Feel

RJ Atkinson • July 19, 2025

BALTIMORE — A recent study out of Johns Hopkins confirms there’s absolutely nothing cool about drugs, except for all the…

DEA Officials Confirm Elon Musk’s Ketamine Habit the Single Most Effective Way to Make Drugs Look Uncool

Adam Frost-Venrick • May 25, 2025

SPRINGFIELD, Va. — Local Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) representative Luther Sacristan Diaz confirmed that Elon Musk’s rampant ketamine habit is…