Each week, we like to review an album from our vast, almost endless, record collection. This time around we’re taking a look at Basement’s second album, “Colourmeinkindness.”
When I told my wife I’d be reviewing a record from English indie rockers Basement, she stopped me dead in my tracks.
“They’re named Basement? Well, if you’re going to listen to that shit over and over again, it’s the perfect opportunity to spend some time in that extravagant Man Cave you built in the basement.”
“Sure, honey!” I replied, trying to sound brave. Because this has become sort of an issue, on account of my wife thinking I don’t use the elaborate Man Cave I spent $25,000 on because I’m scared of our basement.
No way! Like, seriously, I’m not even a little bit terrified to go hang out in my Man Cave. It’s like, so relaxing. Yesterday I stayed down there for a whole three minutes playing foosball before I heard a weird clanking noise and got the fuck out of there.
Eager to prove her wrong, I made my way to the cellar with the album in hand, tiptoeing down the rickety wooden stairs so as to not wake up any monsters or vampires or hobgoblins.
Sitting down gingerly on my $2,000 gaming chair, I hit play and let the emo-tinged album wash over me. However, at some point during an unbearably lengthy 32 second instrumental opening, I saw what appeared to be a spider and ran upstairs shrieking. Fortunately, closer examination by my wife revealed that the alleged spider was, in fact, a stale pretzel.
But can we really trust her judgment? Perhaps not, as she also identified me as a “big time pussy.” Which is exactly the sort of knee-jerk reaction I try to avoid in my music criticism.
No matter how many times I tried to get comfortable in the Man Cave, I couldn’t shake that eerie dread. The kegerator, the oversized adult bean bag chairs, my Charles Grodin limited edition Blu-ray collection – none of it brought me comfort.
Even the red Solo cups on my “Beer Pong Rules” poster glowed upon me like a set of demonic eyes.
Hey, Hard Times editors…do me a favor and let me know when you need a review for a band called Home Office or something.
Score: 2.3 out of 10 spooky noises