Diddy to be Allowed Conjugal Freak-Offs
FORT DIX, N.J. — The Fort Dix Federal Correctional Institute announced that it has granted Sean “Diddy” Combs conjugal freak-offs, confirmed sources. “We've been taking a lot of heat for this decision and I'm not just talking about…
Well Then, I Guess You Can Say I “Goon” Your Father – Guest Post by Mom
There you kids go again, snickering over another one of your little “inside jokes.” I bet you think your old mom is way too out… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Apple Introduces Single-Use ‘iPhone Loosie’
CUPERTINO, Calif. — Apple CEO Tim Cook unveiled the next generation iPhone today, a new disposable single-use iPhone Loosie, sources confirmed. “For too long the… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Dave Mustaine Retiring from Megadeth to Enjoy Remainder of Megalife with Megafamily
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Citing advancing mega-arthritis preventing him from “giving 100% every night,” Megadeth founder Dave Mustaine has announced he will be megaretiring following the… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Gonorrhea Outbreak Somehow Not the Worst Part of Bret Michaels Concert
New Spotify Wrapped Feature Shows How Much of Your Money Went to Funding AI Warfare Technology
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Spotify released its popular annual year-end “Wrapped” feature which gives users a snapshot of their music and podcast listening trends along with… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
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Music
Bad Religion Saves Money by Having Greg Graffin's TA Drive the Tour Bus Again
LOS ANGELES — Legendary punk band Bad Religion decided to cut costs for an upcoming tour by having lead singer Greg Graffin’s TA drive the tour bus, sources report. “I can’t believe I only discovered this little life-hack a few…
Legendary Noise Band Reunites With Original Laptop
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — Seminal noise outfit GÜNT has reunited with its original laptop and founding…
Gonorrhea Outbreak Somehow Not the Worst Part of Bret Michaels Concert
CLEARWATER, Fla. — A gonorrhea outbreak during an outdoor Bret Michaels concert at the BayCare…
Juggalo Returns From Near Death Experience to Confirm Dark Carnival Is Real
HOLLAND, Mich. — A Juggalo who goes by the name Ice-Dawg awoke in the hospital…
Hatebreed Fan Looks to Their Lyrics for Inspiration to Overcome Aggravated Assault Charge
SAN DIEGO — Hatebreed fan Scott Tamowsky found inspiration in the band’s lyrics to overcome…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…