We Completely Made up This Interview With Dave Mustaine Because We Didn’t Want To Talk to Him
Alright, we can’t be blamed for this one. Would you be excited if you were assigned to conduct an interview with thrash metal’s most obnoxious frontman? Be honest here. This isn’t like the time we missed our Skype meeting with Iggy Pop beca…
Hardcore Band Cites Different Band With Same Members as Major Influence
CHICAGO — Local hardcore outfit Deep Cuts listed Hawaiian Gut Punch, another band with the exact same members, as a major influence, sources confirmed. “It’s… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Fox News Says Laura Ingraham’s Dreams Count as Real Stories
Couple Plans on Binge-Watching Shows Until Fascism Blows Over
UPPER MARLBORO, Md. — Wayne and Heidi Stevens intend to wait out the US’ burgeoning authoritarian regime by consuming an abundance of TV shows, according… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Undercover Cop Only One on Time to DIY Show
SAN DIEGO — A local venue uncovered a sting operation within their premises when a plainsclothes police officer blew his cover by being the only… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Geese Fan’s Parents Get Her Goose Tickets for Christmas
Dave Portnoy Gives Perfect Score to Slice of Pizza That Comes With Little Vial of Cocaine
BOSTON — Barstool Sports founder and One Bite Pizza reviewer Dave Portnoy reportedly gave a rare perfect 10.0 score to a slice of cheese pizza… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
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Undercover Cop Only One on Time to DIY Show
SAN DIEGO — A local venue uncovered a sting operation within their premises when a plainsclothes police officer blew his cover by being the only one on time to last night’s DIY punk show, sources confirmed. “I have no idea…
Geese Fan’s Parents Get Her Goose Tickets for Christmas
NEEDHAM, Mass. — A self-avowed super fan of the rock band Geese was surprised by…
Jumbotron at Weezer Show Exposes Tech CEO for Being Completely Alone
CLEVELAND — The jumbotron at a local Weezer concert exposed an important tech CEO for…
Punk House's Only Working Light Is Tip of Vape Pen
EASTON, Pa. — Residents of a local punk house are officially down to the glowing…
Flea Hoping More People Attend His Ugly Christmas Sock Party This Year
LOS ANGELES — Red Hot Chili Peppers bassist Michael Peter “Flea” Balzary found himself hoping…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…