Stephen Miller to Receive $1488 Christmas Bonus
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced plans for Stephen Miller to receive a Christmas bonus of $1488, confirmed sources. "They say there's a nice list and a naughty list and while many of the radical left Democrats are naughty, S…
Tony Hawk Sick of Being Recognized as David Spade’s Stunt Double in “Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol”
ENCINITAS, La. — Professional skateboarder Anthony Hawk felt exhausted as yet another outing outside his home resulted in a “Police Academy 4” fan recognizing him… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
I Saw One Single Teenager Act in a Manner I’m Unfamiliar With: Here’s What That Says About an Entire Generation
So-Called Deicide Fan Gets Into Heaven
HEAVEN — Brock Sterling, a recently deceased metalhead and supposed fan of legendary death metal band Deicide, found himself inexplicably admitted into the Kingdom of… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
We Sat Down With the Ghostwriter of Trump’s Touching Eulogy To Rob Reiner
When you enter the world of politics, you are no longer just a person; you’re a brand. Everything you say publicly has to match that… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Guy About to Cum Won’t Shut Up About it
Opinion: You Can Be a Progressive and Still Hunt the Homeless for Sport – Guest Column by Gavin Newsom
My name is Chief Bob’s Big Boy in Charge of Things — Gavin Newsom. I’m writing this op-ed currently and with great intentions to talk… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
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Music
Puscifer Fan Shocked to Learn Vocalist Has Side Band
MINNEAPOLIS — Noted Puscifer fan and parolee Peter Schwartz recently learned the vocalist of his favorite act has a side band, sources reported. “I love Puscifer so much, I named both my kids after their catalog: my daughter ‘M’ for…
Bandmates Makes Pact If They're Still Alive at 27 They'll Kill Each Other
TACOMA, Wash. — Members of punk band The Shitbutts renewed their commitment to joining the…
Diddy to be Allowed Conjugal Freak-Offs
FORT DIX, N.J. — The Fort Dix Federal Correctional Institute announced that it has granted…
Bad Religion Saves Money by Having Greg Graffin's TA Drive the Tour Bus Again
LOS ANGELES — Legendary punk band Bad Religion decided to cut costs for an upcoming…
Legendary Noise Band Reunites With Original Laptop
POUGHKEEPSIE, N.Y. — Seminal noise outfit GÜNT has reunited with its original laptop and founding…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…