I Was Almost Ready To Write Shane Gillis Off for His Misogyny – Then, Chris D’Elia Spoke
When I first saw Shane Gillis’s now infamous SNL monologue, I was as shocked and outraged as any of you. It was open mic-level cringe on arguably the highest stage in comedy, just lazy, casual misogyny with added tackiness of mentioning sau…
5 Tips For Healthy Cannabis Use That You Will Completely Ignore
In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last decade, or you’ve just been really, really high, recreational cannabis is legal in almost… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Stephen Miller Googles “Temu Return Policy” After Disastrous Outing for New Press Secretary
Help! The Demon Possessing My Girlfriend Is Way Nicer Than She Is
I’m not the kind of man to ask strangers on the internet for anything other than nudes, but I’m so desperate for guidance that I… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
We Separated the Art From the Artist and Steven Tyler Still Sucks
Can you separate the art from the artist? When a creator whose work you love reveals a trait of character you cannot abide, is it… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Death Toll of Online Girlfriends Soars After Air Strike on Russian Data Center
Hegseth to Personally Test Erection Strength of Each Soldier
WASHINGTON — U.S. Secretary of War Pete Hegseth announced that he is rolling out a new program to ensure that the military is at its… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Music
Nation’s Xylophones Sit Dusty After Overly Optimistic ‘Gone Daddy Gone’ Boom
UNITED STATES — A secret collection of neglected xylophones hidden in American basements that were purchased after the release of Violent Femmes’ hit “Gone Daddy Gone” has been gathering dust since the early '80s, sources confirmed. “The boys and I…
FDA Bans Use of Mambo No. 5
SILVER SPRING, Md. — The U.S. Food and Drug Administration announced a countrywide ban on…
Band Forecasts Thick Layer of Mid-Set Stage Fog
MINNEAPOLIS — Local band HorseLord forecasted a surprise front of thick stage fog rolling in…
Jam Band Fan Swears They Like Good Music Too
DENVER — Local jam band connoisseur Trent Gordon recently found himself in the position of…
311 Tired of Fielding Non-Emergency Municipal Calls
OMAHA, Neb. — Alternative rock band 311 announced that it is tired of fielding and…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…