I am a devout, lifelong anarchist. I was marching for squatters rights when you were getting cut from your fucking little league team. I was camping out with Occupy Wall Street when you were throwing a tantrum at your mom for buying you the wrong Chanel purse for Christmas. So don’t fucking tell me I’m not allowed to get wildly aroused every time I put on the California Governor’s Daily Press Briefing.
It’s hard not to get turned on by the guy trying to save everyone’s life, telling people to wear a mask because it protects their neighbors. He races up to the podium, flustered and grinning, telling everyone the latest numbers of hospitalizations and deaths. And you can’t help but look into those tired eyes and think, “this guy is definitely receptive to butt stuff. Giving and receiving,” and that is progressive.
Sure he’s a ride-or-die Democrat, but Gavin Newsom is hot and that’s got nothing to do with politics. If I saw this dude in the supermarket my tongue would roll out of my mouth and I’d be shouting “awoooga! Hubba hubba!!” like a goddamn horned up cartoon wolf. I didn’t spend my teens distributing zines about Decolonization to get blow back for saying that a 6’3” silver fox from the Bay Area is hot.
Yeah that’s right, 6’3”.
I gave 20 years of my life protesting the system, marching in the streets and being an agent of change, so don’t weaponize the fascistic techniques of our oppressors against me. I will not be shamed for wanting to bang Gavin Newsom until my vagina falls off. If you don’t like it then congrats, you’re part of the problem.
Throughout this election I kept seeing my anti-fascist, anarchist and socialist friends posting about how Kamala is a cop, Biden sucks, Mayor Pete is lame, that they’re not voting anyway, etc. And I agree with all that. Bernie was a compromise candidate for me as well. I fucking hate Donald Trump, and I hate American Imperialism. I knew what ACAB was before July. I would also do things to Gavin Newsom that he would think about every day for the rest of his life and I’m not sorry. Deal with it.
Much like there is no ethical consumption under capitalism, there’s no man on earth that a straight woman can be acceptably attracted to. Newsom is my compromise candidate when it comes to that dick.