LITTLE ROCK, Ark. — Local 6’4” man Kyle Beebe is reportedly convinced that the bass player for touring band Skab Kickers is deeply in love with him after the two locked eyes a few times during a recent show, confirmed sources.
“Yeah, it just really felt like we were vibing, ya know? I always love seeing women playing music in the scene. I support women fully, so whenever there’s one playing at a local show I typically like to really lock in and stare at them for their whole set to show my support,” said Beebe after Skab Kickers finished their last song. “The first time we made eye contact probably didn’t mean anything. Just a stolen moment. But that second time we locked eyes, time really stopped for me. We were practically banging. Just really feeding off of each others’ positive energy.”
One of Beebe’s friends also in attendance called into question the magic of this moment.
“Things got pretty uncomfortable when Kyle leaned over to me and loudly said, ‘this bassist wants to do me nasty-style’ right when the band’s fourth song abruptly ended and everyone was really quiet. I think it dissuaded people from applauding,” reported the very short Mike Bledsoe. “I don’t think the bassist was actually reciprocating any interest at all, but I can’t claim to understand the power of eye contact. I typically only go up to other peoples’ torsos, so eye-to-belly-button or eye-to-nipple contact is the best I can do.”
Emma Wiltern, the bass player in question, confirmed that feelings were indeed not mutual.
“I guess we did lock eyes for like one total second? His head was kind of just levitating above everyone else’s so it was impossible to miss. I don’t know, I didn’t think anything of it until he blurted out the thing about doing it nasty-style,” said Wiltern. “I didn’t realize how tall he really was until he came up to me after the show to let me know that the one song I sang lead on reminded him of ‘this band called Paramore.’”
Later that night, Beebe was seen at a local grocery store making out with a box of Frosted Flakes on the top shelf after he believed Tony the Tiger was giving him “fuck me” eyes.
