Millencolin: proof that coming from a country with the highest quality of life in the world doesn’t mean shit when you’re a pissed-off teenage skatepunk who just wants to make music. Now, we’re sorting out 30 years’ worth of Swedish pop-punk and building our definitive ranking of every Millencolin album.
9. Tiny Tunes (1994)
Well, this shouldn’t come as much of a surprise. “Tiny Tunes” (or “Same Old Tunes” as it was retitled after Tiny Tunes Adventures sued the absolute shit out of these guys) is a pretty standard first album for a band that hasn’t really figured their sound out yet. Really, the most interesting part of this whole record is the fact that Chiquita threatened to sue Millencolin as well over it. Yes, the banana company – now, that’s fucking stupid.
Play on repeat: “Chiquita Chaser”
Skip it: “Dance Craze”
8. Machine 15 (2008)
“Machine 15” isn’t a bad album, it’s just a bad Millencolin album. It makes sense that a band just coming out of its golden era (more on that later) would want to break the mold and try something new – but, yeah, this ain’t it. Don’t worry, they’ll figure it out eventually.
Play on repeat: “Vicious Circle”
Skip it: “Come On”
7. SOS (2019)
I actually don’t have much to say about this one. It’s fine. Go listen to it – or don’t, I don’t give a shit. Moving on.
Play on repeat: “Sour Days”
Skip it: “Let It Be”
6. For Monkeys (1997)
“For Monkeys” is a transitional album to be sure. The band is clearly trying to break out from that third-wave ska influence that is heavy in the first two records, but they just can’t seem to stop themselves from occasionally breaking into janky upstrokes. There’s nothing wrong with this record – it just needed a little more time to marinate.
Play on repeat: “Twenty Two”
Skip it: “Monkey Boogie”
5. True Brew (2015)
So now we’re getting into the part of every ranking where I always end up having to acknowledge that the only reason a really good record is as low as it is is because the band has written a lot of other really good records and that that doesn’t take anything away from the album that is lower than it might seem it deserves but it’s simply how ranking things and just numbers in general work. Anyways, “True Brew” is that album for Millencolin. I look forward to reading the many comments you braindead jags are gonna leave me about how I “did the album dirty” by placing it here. Go for it, morons.
Play on repeat: “Chameleon”
Skip it: “Something I Would Die For”
4. Life on a Plate (1995)
You see that dead bird on the album cover? His name was Daryl. Yeah, that’s right, he has a name. Well, he had a name. Also, Daryl had a family. A wife bird and three baby birds who will never see his dead ass ever again. Ever. Not such a cute, fun pop-punk record now is it, huh?
Play on repeat: “Jellygoose”
Skip it: “Vulcan Ears”
3. Kingwood (2005)
I’ll be honest, I dismissed this album for a long time as a kid. Not for any reason other than being a fifteen-year-old shithead and thinking that “Kingwood,” with it’s goofy fucking cover art and the admittedly still dorky, but fun, music video they made for “Ray,” was just not a cool record. So if anything “Kingwood” should be a lesson to us all to listen back on records that you ignored during your “too cool for school” era, because I can guarantee you were actually “too cool” for nothing.
Play on repeat: “Shut You Out”
Skip it: “My Name Is Golden”
2. Pennybridge Pioneers (2000)
Guess what I just learned! “Pennybridge” is the rough English translation of Orebro, the band’s hometown in Sweden. That’s right – I had no idea that was the truth until like ten minutes ago. And now I’m wondering what in the hell I thought it meant for so many years or if I ever even put much thought into it at all. Did I actually think the band meant they were blazing a trail over an unexplored bridge made entirely of American pennies? Sure, why not – it’s a fun image.
Play on repeat: “No Cigar”
Skip it: “The Mayfly”
1. Home From Home (2002)
This album slaps from front to back. Also, are the kids still saying “slaps” to mean “is of a high quality and enjoyable” these days? Whatever, maybe this isn’t the right time to ask.
The point is that this is really a perfect record. It was when it came out and now we can even get a bit of nostalgia out of it for the old Punk-O-Rama compilation era. So if we’re not saying “slaps” anymore then what is the next thing? If “slaps” is “mid” now then maybe use it to disparage everyone in the comments who disagrees with my ranking. That should really slap!
Play on repeat: “Happiness For Dogs”
Skip it: Also “Happiness For Dogs,” but only after you have listened to it like forty times in a row already – because forty-one and onward is gonna start making you really fucking sad about stuff.