29. Asgard
Jack Kirby’s version of The Home of the Norse Gods is heavy on psychedelic imagery and trippy visuals and lighter on the whole “the Sky-Father has an eight-legged horse that impregnates his foster brother” kind of thing. We’d probably die of alcohol poisoning in Asgard after, like, two days.
28. Eternia
Did you know one of the oldest living creatures on He-Man’s home planet is a giant red dragon with a British accent who wears a steel helmet because nobody involved in Master of the Universe gave a single fuck about anything? Well, that’s Granamyr for you, and he would devour us whole within a week, we bet.
27. Etheria
We know what you’re thinking: Etheria, the home planet of She-Ra, Princess of Power, is somehow more dangerous than her secret brother He-Man? Yeah, because it’s completely controlled by bone-face alien fascists who would gut us as soon as we set foot there. Try reading a book about space demons sometime and not living in ignorance.
26. Magic Kingdom of Landover
The current king of Landover is a middle-aged lawyer from Chicago, so that should give you a clue about how long we could survive here. On the other hand, people from Chicago can actually be pretty brutal if you talk shit about tavern pizza and Wilco, so maybe not. We’d last longer than on the Red Line after midnight, anyway.
25. The Land
The Thomas Covenant books are so wildly imaginative that the world is called, creatively, just “The Land.” That said, the Devil (basically) actually pops up all the time in the Land to basically fuck shit up for no reason other than he hates everything, so he’d probably incinerate us or turn us into “Ur-viles.” These books are not good, is what we’re saying.
24. Fantastica
The world of “The Neverending Story” has no borders or limits, and it’s filled with rock giants, centaur doctors, and literally anything you can think of. As such, we’d almost certainly be devoured by the giant version of our mother, who we have this weird recurring dream about and that we could never tell her, and is it weird that she’s kind of hot in the dream? Sorry, what was the question again?
23. The Stillness
Okay, the world of the Broken Earth series is filled with harsh racial injustice and constantly dealing with the threat of a looming global ecological crisis. We’re going to go ahead and say we’re pretty well-prepared for the Stillness, but we’re also frankly not sure how long we’d want to stick around there. Bring it, dragons.
22. Hyboria
Now we’re getting to some of the good stuff, by which we mean the places where a barbarian warrior would cut off our heads and throw them at our girlfriend just to make her feel bad. In the world of Hyboria, that’s considered the most awesome thing you could ever have done, while here on Earth, we know you can just go to Dave & Buster’s.
21. The Four Lands
So, the Four Lands are basically Middle-Earth, but if J.R.R. Tolkien fell down some stairs and then immediately started writing while still concussed. That said, it’s still a world where people get fucked up by mutated humanoid trolls thousands of years after a nuclear war that destroyed civilization, and that’s actually pretty metal.