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Sony Unveils JRPG Controller That’s Just One Big Button

TOKYO, Japan — SONY, in collaboration with Square Enix, have unveiled a brand new controller designed for fans of the JRPG genre. Called “JTXB” (Just The X Button), the controller has removed all unnecessary buttons, analog sticks and bumpers except for the X button, labeled “OK,” which is increased to 500% its original size.

“We wanted to make a controller that took all of the nonsense out of the JRPG gaming experience,” explained SONY CEO Kenichiro Yoshida. “No longer will our consumers be forced to play one of the early Persona games with the added complication of extra buttons that don’t do anything. It’s a simple, clean solution to the issue that’s been making JRPGs inaccessible to newcomers, and we’re very proud of what we’ve accomplished with the JTXB.”

When asked about the controller’s capacity for movement given it’s absence of any joysticks,  team lead Jordan Stone responded, “Since JRPG players prefer the use of menus to play their games, we included a function where the player can hold down the button and a menu will appear that will allow them to select which direction they want to move in, moving their character five feet in the selected direction.”

“This promises a gaming experience that’s more menu-filled and complicated than Luna: Eternal Blue Complete and Chrono Trigger put together.”

Stone also unveiled another optional movement system.

“We also included an optional gyroscope feature so players can simply move the controller in the direction they would like to move in,” Stone continued. “This feature will make it easier for players to avoid carpal tunnel syndrome since for some reason these games all take over 100 hours to complete.”

The controller is expected to be released in Japan in Q3 2019 with the a poorly-made translation being made available in the United States three to five years later after constant begging from fans.

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