GAZA CITY — High-ranking officials in the Israeli Defense Force were alarmed by a report that the targeted bombing of a hospital killed 20, including five journalists, because they were under the impression they had already leveled every medical facility, sources confirmed.
“We thought we had taken care of all these hospitals months ago, I’m embarrassed that we allowed such a facility to stand for this long. To think that it was allowing people to deliver life-saving care to wounded individuals just makes me sick,” said IDF General Yaniv Salama. “I was hoping all the hospitals in the region would be reduced to rubble by now so we could focus our attention on primary schools, open-air markets, and places we labeled as ‘Designated Safe Zones.’ Thankfully we have plenty more artillery coming our way and the United States won’t let anyone stop us, so within the next few days you can expect the shelling to intensify so we can get that hospital count down to zero.”
Popular right-wing pundits believe the IDF still has a lot of work to do.
“I see these death tolls in Palestine and I can’t help but think the Israeli troops could be doing more, especially when it comes to journalists. I know we have the Geneva Conventions and all, but they’ve already violated those so many times already it can’t hurt to test out some chemical weapons,” said Tommy Lubber, host of the Conservative podcast “Sweet Land of Liberty w/ Tommy Lubber.” “Here’s the thing, I wish I could send more of my tax dollars to the IDF. My money shouldn’t be going to entitlement programs here in the United States, I want my money leveling the Middle East.”
President Trump responded to the reports of Israel’s aggression.
“Lots of people are saying that bombing these hospitals is actually a good thing. Maybe we could get a Trump hospital in there. It would have the best doctors in the world, working for free because they love me so much they just feel honored to be working in a hospital with my name on it,” rambled Trump. “I’ve talked with Netanyahu, he says this was an accident, and I believe him. Nobody would lie to me, and I hate liars. Like all the liars that say I knew that creep Jeff Epstein, why are we even talking about him right now? Quit bringing him up.”
At press time, IDF leaders were heartened to find out a recently fired missile destroyed the clean water supply into Southern Gaza.