WATERLOO, Iowa — A recent independent poll found Donald Trump’s draconian immigrant policies were polling overwhelmingly positive among users of the social media network Nextdoor, political strategists reported.
“Despite already knowing everyone in this neighborhood’s personal business, I’m on Nextdoor constantly to monitor everyone’s movements and report every time I hear a dog barking. We need Donald Trump to do something about this country’s immigration problem and keep our towns safe. It feels like I’m constantly posting about noises six blocks away from me that are gunshots or fireworks,” said gated community resident Sandy Bluth. “I’ve been living here for 40 years, and you better believe if some brown family moves in next door I’m going to protect my country by documenting their whereabouts 24/7.”
Nextdoor developers have battled to combat racist rhetoric for years, but lately have been unable to keep it at bay.
“We have strict anti-discrimination rules and regulations that users are supposed to adhere to, but it’s been impossible to stem this red tide. Most of our users already shit on their existing neighbors, we should’ve figured thousands of echo chambers filled with pearl-clutching busybodies would overwhelmingly believe immigrants are poisoning their communities,” said site developer Curtis Jones. “On the other hand, we’ve seen a 300% spike in new users in the aftermath of Trump’s comments, even if most of these people just joined to stalk non-English speaking neighbors who are out on walks.”
The independent polling firm conducting the survey noted that many seemingly neutral social media sites were hotbeds for political activity.
“Most Americans have relied on the bigger social media sites to battle in the political arena, but we’ve discovered that even sites which should have no political leanings have their enclaves,” said Margaret Sommers. “Sure, it’s a fact that Nextdoor is full of community moderator Karens who’ll quash any talk about race, but you’d be surprised to hear how many Libertarians worship the free market on Roblox. And anyone who’s a regular user of Pinterest should know that we’ve found it completely overrun by super left-wing anti-vaxx homeschooling moms.”
A separate poll also indicated that Nextdoor users also resonated with Trump’s stance of replacing the Department of Homeland Security with an HOA.