STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Iconic ‘80s pop duo Paula Abdul and MC Skat Kat were awarded the Nobel Prize in Physics for their trailblazing work in proving opposites attract, sources confirmed.
“Most people know me as a two-time Grammy award-winning singer and dancer. Or the ex-wife of Emilio Estevez from ‘Young Guns II.’ Or that judge on American Idol who’s always hopped up on pain meds,” Abdul said. “So it’s truly rewarding to be finally recognized for my real life’s passion: bringing French engineer and physicist Charles-Augustin de Coulomb’s Law of Electromagnetism to the masses through a fictosexual relationship with an animated rapping cat. I mean, who knew the force of attraction or repulsion determined by the amount of charge and distance between charges could be so damn catchy?! The esteemed Nobel committee members and the 60 million people who bought my albums, that’s who knew, bitches.”
The award couldn’t have come at a better time for Abdul’s less successful half, MC Skat Kat.
“Man, I really needed a win,” Skat Kat said while stuck in a tree waiting for the fire department. “I don’t know jack about physics, but I do know opposites weren’t the only thing MC Skat Kat was attracted to. Booze. Pills. Loose women. I lost 8 of my 9 lives during those years. But look at me now, ma! Top of the science world! I really want to thank my fans, Jesus Chirst his Lord and Savior, my sponsor, and especially the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences for giving me an advance on my prize money so I could settle some unpaid debts down at the dog track.”
Veteran Nobel committee judge Ulf Carlsson explained how the final selection came down to more than just science.
“There were seismic breakthroughs this year in the fields of quantum computing, dark matter and AI. But nobody contributed more to the advancement of physics, dance pop and toonophilia than MC Skat Kat and my homegirl, Paula Abdul,” Carlsson said. “You really don’t need much more empirical evidence that opposites attract than a cartoon alley cat fucking a former Laker girl. And trust me. That ain’t fiction. It’s a natural, and now scientific, fact.”
At press time, Abdul was spotted canoodling with Particle Man from “Tiny Toons” and They Might be Giants fame.